Tales From The Food Stamp Office (TFTFSO)

we have all had to deal with people who are less concerned about their oral hygiene than the rest of the population. Most people, carry something (gum, peppermint, floss, travelsized mouthwash) to combat the halitosis.

and then there are those that DON’T

I see people from all walks of life..and the homeless, crack addict, alcoholics I see, i EXPECT to have my nostrils assulted, I mean they can’t help it. I know they can’t help it, and I do my job w/o complaint say a quick thank you that I have a roof over my head and keep it moving.

BUT when you come to the office and you are rocking the lastest Coach handbag (that I want but can’t afford), brand new timbs (fresh out the box, haven’t even creased the toe), hair and nails DONE! Then when I say Good Morning and you say Good Morning back my stomach does a VIOLENT somersault and I have mentally reprimand my face to OBEY and not show DISGUST… YOU! my dear needs your ass WHOOPED!

I couldn’t finish the interview (thank God she didn’t have everything I needed). Everytime she answered a question I wanted to slide out of my chair and DIE!!
I promise, never in my life have I smelled something so rotten coming from a living breathing mammal.
WHO DOES THAT?! I mean she has to FEEL the parasites breeding and multiplying in her damn mouth!

I was very offended and I REALLY thought she should have aplogized to me and all the other ladies she encountered before me. No one should be subject to smelling that shit!

Then to add insult to injury… WHY did she have NERVE enough to be with a MAN?! When she becked for him as they were leaving and got really close and told him something… I froze and stood and watched in shock and fucking awe! He MUST have a cold and therefore can’t smell SHIT b/c there is just no other way I could fathom why he was not recoiled in a corner holding his hands up in crucifix fashion begging her to SHUT DA FUK UP!

From here on… her interviews will be conducted via phone.

Happy Wednesday! 🙂


  1. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! With the auditors on my back I needed something to laugh at. Too funny. That’s just like the chicks that have their hair did and then you look at their daughter and they look JACKED THE FREAK UP!

  2. Did she have bad teeth? Maybe the man is why her breath smells that way? Geez! I would have pulled out some gum or a mint and offered her one discreetly. Dag! What are people thinking!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  3. OMGosh! I am ROTFLMAO!!! You did not say “a living breathing mammal.” Oh Lord, I’m dying over here. But…you didn’t offer her a Tic Tac?? LOLOLOLOL.

  4. Totally roaring over her
    LOL @ Del – honey from that post… I don’t think a tic tac would have help unless she took the whole darn batch…lol.

  5. LMAO! GIRL!!!! That was so freaking funny. I got a picked of you slumping in your chair like you were about to pass out.

    It’s so funny because I’ve smelled people with bath breath and wondered how the could NOT be aware that their breath smelled worse that dog ish. It made me paranoid about my own breath so I have AT ALL TIMES listerine strips, altoids and everest gum (which was some strong gum that I can’t find anymore) just in case. And will eat them all at the same time. LOL Seriously!

    You need to keep a dish filled with gum and peppermints on your desk for situations such as those.

  6. I am offended and think you should apologize for making me read this…rotflmbao!

    and this is my favorite…

    you say Good Morning back my stomach does a VIOLENT somersault and I have mentally reprimand my face to OBEY and not show DISGUST
    -too much…I can’t take it!

  7. you know what Paj…this should NOT have been that damn funny…I’m sliding all out the chair picturing your face…and don’t those types be the most talkative?!

  8. LMFAO…why? cause I can imagine your face…and I’m sitting here making faces like I can smell it…YOU are a mess…I would have been like here…take a few of these mints with you..BYE BYE…

  9. i always got gum in mouth. i don’t want to offend anyone. i don’t even need and its in there. see. thats just nasty.
    but you had me CTFU ova here! i had to pause my music so i could concentrate on what i was reading!!!

  10. lmao off @ this post
    singin “i don’t mean to be mean but you need some listerine not a sip not a gargle but the whole damn bottle”

  11. You are to funny!!!With all those fine clothes she had on why didn’t she have a pack of gum in her Coach purse!When I come across someone with bad breath,I tell them I have a nasty taste in my mouth do they have some gum or mints.I hope that they will get some too.

  12. I can’t stand you, I really can’t. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    “Everytime she answered a question I wanted to slide out of my chair and DIE

    Oh the horror!

  13. Don’t you just hate that. I have a bad stomach so I am very self conscious about my breath.

    You should have said take this it’s a hint not a mint.

  14. ROTFLM[Muh Fuggin]AO!!!!!


    You crack me da hell up with these tales from the food stamp office. [I lovez em’]


  15. Tears are coming out of my eyes from ROFLOL. I’ve experienced this before and was also behaved (managed not to cringe too much), but it was interesting to see that the next person this man talked to DID recoil and dry heave a little. I was like wow, I can’t believe what I’m seeing/smelling.

  16. OMG x 4 !!!!


    when you said
    ” From here on… her interviews will be conducted via phone. :

    i just about died with laughter…

    u crazy guuuuurl !

  17. girl, i am cracking up in california!!!! Thats so sad though! You would think somebody would have told her by now!

  18. @ PAJ

    Oh no I be emailing her shit from craigs list like “this looks nice…” and here’s another website lemme gone head and circle what looks nice lol

    love her though

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