1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
I got a call from my aunt yesterday that my grandfather had passed. I was out at lunch when I got the 1st call. I held it together finished out my work day. I got home Ian met me at the door with flowers, a great big hug. I still didn’t break (cuz i’m skrong lol) then I read the card and what he wrote on the inside and I cried like a baby while he held me. Then he took me to JoAnn’s and that made me smile again. lol
I finally talked to my dad and that just broke my heart. Here we have a grown man who has lost his daddy and is looking to his daughter for strength. I’m usually the one who holds it together, that has the right words, who knows exactly what to do to get everyone through. But when he was on the phone, I didn’t have the words. All I could do was listen as he kept repeating “it’s a dark day, baby a dark day”
I talked to another aunt and she got mad with me b/c I hadn’t dropped everything to head home. When I told her since everything was pretty much organized (he’d been sick for a while) I wasn’t coming until next week. The services will be Thursday and Friday (or Friday/Saturday). She proceeded to tell me that “your daddy NEEDS you, your family NEEDS you, you should be with your family”. I responded “yes ma’am, I’ll let you know when I’m coming”. Then turn to Ian (my family) and bawled.
I spent last night drinking, paid for it dearly this morning. lol
You know when you know someone is sick and suffering, as long as they are still here with you, in your (my) mind you make yourself believe that you won’t be hurt when they finally pass. Because they won’t be suffering anymore. Then when it happens, all rational thought goes out the window. And all you want is one more day, one more chance to say I love you, one more chance to remind them of the time he let you fall off the roof.
I’m taking this weekend to grieve and will be heading to Louisiana Tuesday to take my appointed family role as the one who has the answers.
My heart is heavy right now… I’ll miss him