Tales From the Food Stamp Office

I just placed a call to a client and had to sit through the intro to SOME (insert eye roll) song, then her outgoing message was like this:
(After each line pause for sensual drama)
You’ve reached Ms. Sensual and Lil Ms. Sexy (not her or her daughter’s name).
I’m unavailable to take your call
I might be busy
Or don’t want to be bothered
Or I might not be here
But if you would leave your name
A brief and detailed message
I will return your call
As soon as possible

Then AFTER she left that LONG ASS message why did I STILL have to listen to the Got dayumn OUTRO of the song.
Ughhhh imagine me SCREAMING into my phone!!!

Why did I leave the following message on her voicemail?

Ms. Sensual This is Ms. Johnson. I need you to CHANGE that recording!!! It is VERY important that I speak with you regarding your Medicaid case and I was THISCLOSE to hanging up the phone. Call me @ 933-XXXX

~~~ Now am I wrong? I mean I know I broke several policies with my message but DAMN! How do you as an adult who’s supposed to be looking for a job have some shyt like that as your outgoing message? If I was an employer I would have hung up the phone poste haste. That’s as bad as the ringers… Dude I don’t want to hear Love In The Club when I call your phone. A simple RING will do just fine. ~~~


  1. That always cracks me up when I hear it on people’s machines. I also like it when they put an inappropriate e-mail addresses on their job applications and resumes. If your e-mail is “”, I am not calling you for an interview. Set up a free e-mail account for job hunting!

  2. I worked at a place once where the receptionist also had a side job as a stripper (we had a lot of receptionists). Having two different voice mail boxes is not cost effective I guess. She had a child and everything, but she didn’t mention her on the voice mail greeting.

    In your case, I think homegirl was just trifflin’.

    We sometimes tried to offer some professional advice to these ladies. But most of the time the other employees just made fun of them behind their backs, and I thought that was wrong. So, when she calls back, you could just tell her the intention behind your comment and lovingly suggest she change the greeting. If she doesn’t want a professional job, then she won’t change it I guess.

    My email used to be, (for like 5 years). It took me foreeeever to change it. I was so resistant because I was never trying to be flirtatious.

  3. Oh My!! People are off the hook. I hate listening to that crap. I hate standing to a grown ass person and some inappropriate crap just pop up on the phone. How about my brother phone, man everyone has complained to him and he won’t change it. He has some crazy go-go music, that is playing while the phone rings for a lllllooonnnnggg ass time. I only call him during an emergency because i don’t want to hear the shit. and when we get together he always says, my sister don’t love me any more she don’t call FLIGGA change your damn phone, he knows this because WE HAVE ALL TOLD HIM. BTW, his grown ass is 37.

  4. I had a friend who did a rap on her telephone message (it was cute) but before it started she gave you the option to bypass the message by pressing 1. That was good. Maybe you should suggest she do the same. I hate long messages without a way to bypass them.

  5. girl, i wouldnt have even left a message stuff like that really annoys the hell out of me, with a passion. know me i would have screamed into the phone and then hung up,lol (im crazy like that)

    now was it policy nooooo, but were you wrong for doing that nooooo, i dont think so.

    let that hieffer know she needs to get it together,lol

  6. amen… what are people thinking!!!! or are they even thinking..My baby sis loves these crazy phone things. Her’s is Steve Harvey. and it cost money to have them…:D

  7. You see…that some ole' ig'nant shyt right there…
    SMH —> It's no wonder her @ss is outta work *SIGH*

  8. Thats just str8 hoodness @ its best. Many people forget to separate business & street demeanor. I guess thats why she still hasn't gotten a J.O. cuz I would have hung up, discarded her app and not have hesitated.

    but I'm not mad at you're message…sometimes you have to let a person know "Aye, you fuckin up!"

  9. OH MY GAWD…are you serious?? Woman is trying to get a J O B w/ that type of outgoing message..Some people don’t use the brain that God gave them.. OMG

  10. Half the people I work with have those stupid song ring things. The first time I heard one, I kept hanging up, thinking I was getting some retarded voicemail message that wouldn’t end. What’s this world coming to?

  11. Naw girl, you are NOT wrong. Someone needed to tell her to change that.

    And co-sign on the “Caller Tunes”. As much as I love the song, I don’t wanna hear “Candy Girl” everytime I call.

    And Marlena, I did the same thing when I first heard the caller tune. I thought it was going straight to voicemail. Ha!

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