***this was written last thursday, put up with password protection, making it public now***
All of those feelings have rushed through me in the course of about 8hrs.
I tried hard to fight them.
Look for the rainbow. Look for the promise. Bask in the sunshine
My normal sources of comfort, became sources of irritation
My comfy little cancer shell was too small and uncomfortable. My refuge was uncomfortable. How does that work?
Shower. Showers always help.
Not this time.
My last resort.
Music, ear plugs, hours of praise and worship
Just me, open heart, open mind,
Blessed… everybody say blessed, blessed, blessed
He is preparing me for somethign, I can’t handle right now, he’s making me ready, just because he cares, he cares for me
Bread of heaven sent down from glory many things you were on earth a holy king a carpenter… awesome ruler gentle redeemer god with us the living truth and what a friend we have in you.. jesus jesus
Say yes… yes yes yes yesssss yes to your will yes to your way, in spite of your circumstances say yes
Song after song after song… praises to the most high. Songs of redemption, encouragment,
Songs that whispered to my soul, whispering gods promises
Songs that brought memories of trials past.
Battles hard fought
Not by my strength, not my my power
Not by my good deeds
When was the last time I spent quiet time with god.
Time with him. Unrushed. No distractions. Just a moment to bask in his presence
my mind slowed down
Just to marinate on his goodness and mercy.
Not asking for a thing
Not partitioning on the behalf of someone else
Not looking for justice for wrongs done
Been neglecting my time with him.
Finally slowed down and stopped long enough to let him minister to me
To say it’s me it’s me.
I need you. I need your presence
To wrap me in your arms. To hold me and comfort me
Holy spirit fall down on me.
Be what I need
Purging me with your love
Father I justlook to be with you
Not worried about the material
Not worried about the health
Just resting in your arms