2009 has been an interesting year, to say the least… for me its been all about transition and adjusting to change. I will always be the 1st to say I don’t like change, but I understand the necessity of it.

In circumstances that I know I have Zero control over, its easier for me to accept the change. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, stepping outside of my bubble to consider how my actions affect people… that’s been a hard pill to swallow. And I’ve been known to bite my nose to spite my face. Not saying I’m proud of it.. but it is what it is.

This post could end up like the other 15 blogs I’ve written in the past 2 weeks, PRIVATE. For my eyes only.
These post have run the gamut, from “come to jesus”, “woe is me”, “its not me, its them”, “sigh, okay maybe it IS me”, “dang, this shyt AGAIN”, “2 steps forward 5 steps back”, “you know what?! I don’t give a fuck anymore”, ” imma do me… love it or hate it”, ” Why me, Lord?”, “Why NOT me, Lord”…

And now I’ve stopped fighting. I’ve put God back where he is suppose to be, where I KNOW he is sposed to be…at the head of my life. And wouldn’t you know it, things fall into place.

God is faithful. Period. Like he NEVER leaves. He just waits for you to get ya mind right, and when u come back all defeated and stuff… he NEVER rubs it in your face…or says I told you so… he just takes you in his arms and makes it all better.

This year the transitions have been swift and sudden. One blow after the other. Blows so hard and frequent that I couldn’t brace myself for the next hit. Just under attack. (Sometimes rushing head first into harms way)

Loss my job
Loss a baby
Loss my house
Loss my self confidence
Questioned my self worth
Forgot who I was.. just unsure of my identity
Getting into it with my husband, to the point he was about to start looking for a place to stay.
Getting into with my best girlfriend. To the point I was ready to say fuck friends. Don’t want them or the drama.

It’s been rough. Sooo rough.

But God…

He’s sooo faithful. His grace and mercy are sufficient. He keeps me. He has kept me. He will continue to make a way.

Funny how you get so caught up in what’s happening and the arguments and the bill collectors, wanting to appear strong… that you don’t realize that this isn’t the 1st time you’ve fought with people you love. It’s not the first time you loss “stuff”. It’s not the first time you been under attack.

God is standing there saying… I’m the same. I haven’t changed. I brought you through THEN. I’m here, waiting for you to trust me to bring you through NOW.

Duuuude, just like that….

Get my priorities in order… God 1st… everything falls in place…

Things become clearer.
I know WHO I am. I know what I’m worth. I believe in my abilities.
Relationships restored
Needs met.

2009 was tough. Full of change, full of transition. Lots of tears shed. But God has been faithful.

I wake up with a renewed sense of purpose. Determined to make each day better than the next. Will I make mistakes? Yes, but everyday is another chance to get it right


  1. Girl, let me tell you, You are indeed loved and appreciated. I didnt know you went through so much but you know, I am glad that you have faith that all will work out in The Father’s name! I believe in Him and know where He stands in my life too! Isn’t it nice to be blessed and highly favored!

    Luv you!

  2. I guess I’m not a faithful reader, but I didn’t know you dealt with so much this year. I’m sorry. The good thing in all of htis is that you realize who sustains you. I know you will have a blessed 2010.

  3. Awww Patrice! I hate you had a bad year..but consider it a lesson also. I have had hard times, but I had to realize that God is the one that brought me through it. We sometimes go thru things that end up making us stronger. True, we don’t understand why at the time, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I love ya chic! And I know you will stay strong..remember what I told you about your “Blessed Hands”.

  4. GIRL!!!….Man on man sitting here praising God for his faithfulness to you and everyone else…you are helping me to remember that he is CONSTANT, never changing!!! 2009 has be a dosey for me to! But God has never left I’m still alive to tell it….so glad you shared this…

  5. Stay strong in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. You are on the right track….God FIRST!!! Turn everything over to Him, leave it alone and let God have His way.

  6. I think I read something similiar on your girl Adrienne’s website. Change is forever constant along with birth and death. We may not like it, but, it is something we deal with everyday. People retire, and new people come to your job. New niece or nephew, people get married and or divorced. It happens every day and yes it is a BITCH!!!!!!!!!! I am a believer in God but at this stage in my life, I am not sure if I have the right to believe in God because there were things in my life over the last year that sucked eggs big time and like some people I blamed God for EVERYTHING!!!!!!! With a lot of pride in me and have been holding on to it for so long, How do you humble yourself(or put your tail between your legs) and go back to God and say I know you brought me through and you held my hand and guided me and to let me know I am now stronger for the drama in my life. I can say it on this blog and in my head but right now it is not in my heart. i am all for doing me, but ME is lost. Standing on your own 2 feet is hard as hell when you have on the wrong shoes and standing on unsteady spiritual ground. Sometimes you need to hear from other people to get your mind right. So it is very easy to stick with your way of thinking because it is all you have been doing for all your life and again like in the beginning of the blog Change is a BITCH!!!!!!!!

  7. Hey Patrice,
    Did all of this happen in 09???? My God, you are truly a soldier. Most of us would have cracked under so many stressful and horrific events. Everything is seasonal. You will enter a new season where everything will be wonderful and great. That’s my hope and prediction for next year. Lots of love and wishes are being sent your way.

  8. Hey Girl, thanks for sharing this post. You are absolutely on the right track, though i know you already know that. God is faithful. You know I have been through loss and infertility and at the time of the loss, I wanted to burn my Bible. But God stayed there with me even when I was at my worst. Amazing…truly amazing love. Looking forward to your year of favor in 2010!

  9. So glad you didn’t keep this post private…
    It has been a hard year. Period.

    And like you said TRUST IN GOD is really what it all boils down too and if we haven’t learned anything else in 2009 is that indeed we must KEEP Him 1st….wonderful soulful post

    Expecting and having faith of the GREAT things in 2010!

  10. I feel for you and I can’t begin to imagine. But I can see that God has blessed you with so much- and we’ve never even met. You have so many talents and abilities, you are an awesome student, and you have incredible thoughtfulness and compassion for people. Change can be a blessing, also. I found this woman’s story last night and I thought her witness was so moving – because her pain was real and her prayers were honest. You have to watch it.

  11. I didn’t realize you had such a tough year…but the fact that you made it through says so much about your character and strength and your trust in God to make everything all right. Sometimes when we can’t see the path, he guides our steps through the darkness and everything turns out all right.

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